Romance Doesn’t Require Giant Gestures

6:00 A.M. I drag myself down the stairs, baby on one arm, dodging dogs in urgent need of the backyard, yawning and thinking only one word: coffee.

I reach for the coffee pot and draw back my arm with a stainless steel carafe full of nothing. Usually it is full. Usually it has been set the night before and timed to perfection for the waking of the baby. Usually…my husband is here. Sigh. He is in China for two weeks and I am just realizing that I am going to have to, *gasp*, make my own coffee. Sigh.

Romance Doesn't Require Giant Gestures

The coffee pot finishes dripping its delicious brew, and I take a cup back upstairs to read for a bit, but the funny thing is, there is nowhere to set my cup. My bedside table is FULL of used cups. Water, coffee, tea—it’s all here. Oh, riiiiight, my husband takes my cup down for me in the morning before he goes to Crossfit. No husband for two weeks equals a lot of cups to balance with a baby on my hip. Sigh.

First world problems? Of course. But what these, plus several more things like taking out the trash and bringing in stuff from the car, help me to realize is how many small things my husband does to make my life easier. These little things add up to a lot of headaches erased for me (sometimes literally with the coffee).

Love and romance don’t always involve giant gestures. It doesn’t have to be roses or walks on the beach. It doesn’t have to be diamonds or pearls. Sometimes all that is needed is a perfectly timed cup of coffee, a hand with diaper changing, or a nap while Daddy takes the kids swimming. Honestly, in this stage of life, diamonds and pearls would have no appeal to me. The best way to show me love is to help me.

The timeless voice of Gary Chapman telling us to figure out our “love language” is a voice of wisdom. We need to be students of our spouse’s needs. What benefit to my marriage and the good of my husband would there be if I didn’t love him the way he perceives love?

As you may guess, my primary love language is “acts of service,” but my husband’s is “physical touch.” If I spend all of my energy trying to keep his home in order for him, ironing his clothes, cooking his meals and matching his socks, but I don’t stop to hug him, kiss him, climb in bed a little closer to him, he will feel unloved. And, on the flip side, if he shows me a lot of physical affection but never helps with the baby, then I will feel unloved. We have to study each other and learn to be what our spouse needs.

Do you study your spouse? All of us spent time digging into the needs and wants of our spouse when we were in the dating stage, but what about now? Have the needs of your spouse changed? Maybe when you were dating she would swoon over a beautiful bouquet of flowers, but now they would just be another thing she had to take care of. Our needs change with life’s seasons; let’s make sure the way in which we show love to our spouse changes with those seasons.

My husband is home now, and I am loved again by the beauty of an early morning cup of coffee, which I didn’t have to make, sitting next to me on a clear bedside table. Ahhhh. Life is good.


What “romantic” things does your spouse do for you that others might not consider romantic? Start a conversation with your friends by sharing one of these photos:


A member of the MarriageRoots Team, Amy is a wife to a great husband and mother of three crazy kiddos. Former homeschool teacher, former missionary, former.....well, lots of things. Now she lives in the plains of West Texas and enjoys life as a stay at home mother. She writes about the many pieces of her life - Jesus lover, minister's wife, momma, pilgrim through the waters of anxiety and depression. Feel free to drop by, Pieces of Amy, and see what's going on...when the baby lets her write!

Stay in the know!

Sign up to receive our Weekly Updates AND receive a free copy of "The Essential Christian Marriage Resource List :: 52 Things Every Couple Needs to Know About"